Saturday, January 12, 2008

Here's a miniscule compilation from the many websites almost 10 pages of Google search has to offer about 'drummer humour';
Here we go;

1) How do you know a drummer’s at the door? The knocking speeds up and he never knows when to come in.

2) What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.

3) How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They have a machine that does that now.

4) What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.

5) How can you tell a drum riser is level? Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer’s mouth.

6) What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? You only have to punch information into the machine once.

7) How does a guitarist park in the handicapped space? He leaves drumsticks on the dashboard.

8) What’s the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You need to plug the vacuum in before it starts to suck.

9) How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to hold the bulb in place and nine to drink until the room spins around.

10) What do drummers say once they get their new gig? “Would you like fries with that?”

11) Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses? So they don’t embarrass themselves during the parade.

12) How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to screw, and four to discuss how Neil Peart would have done it better.

13) How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

14) Why do bands have roadies? To translate for the drummer.

15) What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

16) What’s the difference between a drummer and a savings bond? A savings bond will mature and earn money.

17) How do you get a drummer off your porch? Pay for the pizza.

18) JOHNNY: “Mom, I want to be a drummer when I grow up.”
MOM: “Well, you can’t do both.”

19) What has an asshole and three legs? A drum stool.

20) What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted.

21) How is a drum solo like a sneeze? You can tell it’s coming, but there isn’t anything you can do about it.

22) How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, so long as his roadie gets the ladder, sets it up, finds the bulb, and puts it in the socket for him.

23) Did you hear about the bassist who locked his keys in his car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out.

24) Why are orchestral intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So they don’t have to retrain the drummers.

25) A guy walks in and asks the clerk at the desk for some picks and strings. “You must be a drummer, right?” the clerk says. “Yeah, how’d you know?” the drummer asks. “Because this is a travel agency.”

26) What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a drummer? A tattoo.

27) The latest drum machines are so realistic, they show up for practice 20 minutes late.

28) What’s the difference between a drumline and shoes in the dryer? Nothing.

29) Did you hear about the drummer who graduated high school? Me neither.

30) What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Overqualified.

31) What do you call a kid with a set of drums? The poster child for birth control.

32) How do you make a drummer’s car more aerodynamic? Take the pizza sign off it.

33) What did the drummer say to the guitarist? “Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?”

34) What does a drummer NEVER say to a guitarist? “Hey, do you want to play one of my songs?”

35) What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality.

36) A beautiful maiden found a frog who told her that if she kissed him, he would turn into a famous drummer and make them both rich forever. The maiden stuffed the frog in her pocket instead. “Hey”, the frog said. “What are you doing?”
“I know a talking frog is worth more than a drummer any day”, she answered.

37) Two salesmen are sitting in a bar. The first salesman says to the other “I bet I can relate to people so well that I can start a conversation with anyone in this bar.”
“OK” the second salesman replies. “You’re on.”
The first salesman goes up to a guy in a business suit and asks him what his IQ is. The guy in the business suit reveals that his IQ is 170. The salesman proceeds to engage in a discussion about world politics, literature, and science.
The salesman then goes up to a guy wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and baseball cap and asks him what his IQ is. This guy reveals that his IQ is 100. The salesman then spends 15 minutes talking about sports, cars, and women.
The salesman finally walks up to a guy pounding shots and asks him what his IQ is. This guy admits that his IQ is only 50. The salesman asks him if he prefers Zildjian or Sabian.


Saturday, January 05, 2008

(Heres a little somewhat of a poem I typed one night, two weeks back, sufficiently high on Vodka shots. It took me the next morning to correct the many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors I'd made the previous night in my state of inebriation....whatever sense you make of it is your own interpretation, as for me this somewhat of a poem was done and through with when the lines rhymed!)


The words won’t flow out tonight, dear Lord…my mind feels numb….
My eyes feel weighty, and my heart…deaf and dumb
The quill between my fingers lies dead, motionless as wood
The papers lie scattered around like dead fighters in a skirmish would

Known yet unknown is the feeling inside
that to no one, to no one can I confide…
none will ever understand, they hardly ever do
To whom do I profess, whom do I confess to…?
that confused I am, afraid to unfold
a wound throbbing deep inside my chest
so excruciating and oh so cold.

Why do I seek the words tonight oh Lord, why do I crave to write..?
Why can I not speak out my mind and put up a brave fight..?
Is prose my only strength, is the pen my only might..?
Why am I afraid to break the restrains, why is it that within myself I hide..?

You’re not afraid son, neither are you weak
It is merely affection and affection alone that you seek.
If it is through prose alone that you speak your heart out best…
then let your pen speak your heart’s behest..
Be not afraid of lettering your feelings, be not afraid to spell what is true..
Be not tormented if the artist appears to have burnt out in you…
In art lies the greatest tranquility, in art I reside
In prose lies your greatest muscle, through prose you shall confide…
So go forth unafraid and do profess your eternal love for her…
but do so as a poet, poets seldom cower.